I was
inspired to write this post when I came across this short extract...
First of
all, when I was inspired to write this post I had no idea how it was going to
turn out. It is not supposed to be a History lesson and I am definitely not claiming to be an expert, however everything is relevant
and I like how it turned out so I hope you enjoy reading it...
As a
sufferer of depression I have always been obsessed with the idea of a happy
life. I know that it would be insane to think that a person can be happy 100%
of the time, but I do believe that some people lead happier lives than others.
Is this down to internal or external factors? As a psychology student I believe
that a person’s mood is determined by their thoughts and attitudes on an event
or situation. Therefore, the situation is somewhat involved but the attitude a
person has towards it holds the most importance. Attitudes can be pre-determined
by previous experiences and changed by new experiences.
‘The
Happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts’ – Roman Emperor,
Marcus Aurelius (121-180 AD)
Can
Happiness be defined? The term happiness originates from Old English from the
noun hap, with the suffix ‘y’. Hap is the sense of luck and good fortune. In this context happiness is defined as an
individual being lucky and experiencing good occurrences in one’s life. However, if you were to ask someone what they would define as happy I guarantee everyone would say something different.
Ancient
people believed that we have no control over our happiness. It is in the hands
of Gods, dictated by fate or fortune, controlled by the stars, not something we
can influence and determine ourselves. Happiness is literally just what happens
to us. Socrates (460 BC) argued that happiness is in fact obtainable through
human effort. Greeks had beforehand accepted a pessimistic view of human
existence. They were punished if they were seen to obtain personal happiness, as
it was considered hubris (extreme pride and over confidence that leads to
offensive behaviours towards the Gods). Happiness
was only reserved for those the Gods favoured, and this is what they believed.
Critics have
suggested that our preoccupation with happiness may actually be causing people
to be unhappy. If a person feels they’re falling short of an ideal happiness it
can interfere with the happiness they do feel (Gregoire, 2014). This is
supported by Iris Mauss who proposed that the more a person strives for
happiness, the less likely they are to obtain it. People who strive for
happiness set their standards high, and when these are not met a person can
experience feelings of disappointment. This same idea is also referred to as a
New Disease of Western Societies. This disease is our obsession with the
pursuit of happiness. We, as a society, begin to fear or devalue pain, negative
emotions and challenging experiences. Which according to McKay are essential
for wholesome. Aristotle, the Ancient
Greek Philosopher, built on previous proposals that happiness can be earned. He
also believed that to live a good life, dealing with a good amount of pain was
vital.
A friend
once said to me ‘Stop trying so hard to be happy, stop trying to force it’.
Initially, I had no idea how intense my search for happiness was, but she made
me realise that I was constantly on the look-out for the next thing to make me
smile. I can’t say this is not a habit of mine but now I can acknowledge when I
am doing it, and by doing this I can stop myself and prevent myself from
becoming disappointed.
Rick Hanson a Neuropsychologist uses an
analogy to explain how the human brain views experiences. He stated that the
brain is like Teflon for positive experiences and Velcro for negative ones. His
research led to the belief that a person’s happiness level is increased by
maximising life’s everyday simple pleasures and small joys. This gives me the
motivation to linger around the small positive things in my life, such as my
morning coffee, a hot bubble bath and new makeup. As crazy as it may sound, by
focusing on the small things I notice myself having more positive days. Also,
when I am having a bad day I try not to beat myself up over it and just accept
that I need to endure the bad to appreciate the good. Because, how are we
supposed to feel a sense of gratitude if all we know is good.
The
attitudes and behaviours my friend noticed in me can be known as me ‘running on
the hedonic treadmill’ of pleasure and joy. I was constantly seeking something
to gain happiness and my expectations were never met because the things I
thought would provide me with long term happiness were short lived (Diener,
2006). This may possibly make me sound like a fatso but one example I can think
of is comfort eating. At the time of consumption I might feel like the food is
making me happy but in the long run I would usually regret eating so much and
the feeling of joy has been dominated by guilt. Another extreme example would
be a person that aims to earn a lot of money, when they reach the goal they may
feel elation, however when they have adapted to the situation these feelings won’t
be at an optimum level, they will flatten out and become the norm. This may be where the term ‘Money
can’t buy happiness’ comes from. Which is obviously not true because it can buy
Ben and Jerry’s, but there I go again with my obsession for food? When actually
I do think it is true, money can only buy so much to help us live comfortably
but beyond that it can’t buy much else.
"Imagine
I could wave a magic wand to ensure that you would have the approval and
admiration of everyone on the planet, forever. What, in that case, would you
choose to do with your life?"Once you've answered honestly, you can start
taking steps toward your ideal vision of yourself. You can tape positive
affirmations to your mirror, or you can cut up your advice books and turn them
into a papier-mâché project. It doesn't matter, as long as you're living
consciously. The state of happiness is not really a state at all. It's an
ongoing personal experiment. (Flora, 2014)
So, if you're like me, stop trying to be happy all of the time, and accept the bad days. When you are feeling particularly down, express this. Cry, shout, be angry. By pretending you are okay only makes matters worse. I find by talking about it really helps, a problem shared is a problem halved! This post is now full of cheesy quotes, aha! I don't even care. If someone is truly your friend they would be there to listen and I always am, for anyone that needs it. I can't promise I will be any good at helping but still a listening ear. So, stay strong, be true to your self.
Thanks for reading. If you got this far you must be mad! If you did actually read it all (Which will really shock me) comment below something small that makes you smile.
