What is important?

Okay, so it has been a while. 

I haven't really been up to writing lately and I figured if this blog is just for fun then there isn't any point forcing anything, cos then it isn't fun to read. I haven’t planned anything to post so this post is just going to be for me to vent, because I love a good vent. I don't know what it'll turn into. So here goes...

These past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to myself to think about what I want from life, where I want to be in 10 years and how I am going to get there. These thoughts always scare people but living with anxiety the thoughts about my future absolutely overwhelm me. I think what scares us is the constant reminders in school that tell us we need to decide what we want to do, and do everything possible to get there. When people like my-self are not 100% what they want to do it can cause feelings of worthlessness and guilt. I know from speaking to friends my age and even younger that feel the same as I do.

The main lesson I have learned whilst having this time is that the most important thing in life is health, and I have started to put my health before anything else. Before University, before going on holiday and before what anyone else expects of me. Today, the day I am writing this, I had planned and paid to spend the weekend at Paris with my friends from University. However, I have struggled quite alot these past few weeks with depression and my mental health. I am home from Uni and have taken some time to look after myself and get back on my feet. I don't regret spending £200 on Paris and not going because I know it was the right thing to do for my health. I feel better now than I did last week and the week before that. I think that is down to having realised what is most important in my life. My happiness, friends and family.

                                   

I have spent time with the people I love the most and who love me for simply being me. I am continuing to discover who my real friends are and who will stick by me when I screw up. These people are who I will invest my time with. I am so grateful for the people who have helped me through this difficult time and those people know who they are.

I mostly want to thank my Mam, Dad, sister and my best friends. My 4 best friends Beccy, Abbi, Daisy, and Lauren have been my rocks and there is nothing I wouldn’t tell any of them. I feel so blessed to have them in my life. Being around these girls I have been able to be myself and have felt entirely comfortable in doing so. In the past I have been around people that I have been afraid to do and say things around. I know now, that it is so much more fun to have fewer close friends than hundreds of people that claim to be friends but run at the first sight of trouble.

 

Lastly, I think what I wanted to get across is that the choices you make in life should be solely your own. I have struggled with caring too much about what other people think of me. I feel like I have been trying to meet expectations and have put far too much pressure on myself to be a better and more successful person. This can mean missing out on having fun and enjoying life on a day to day basis. I am now trying my best to make decision that are good for me and will make me happy.

I hope you’re all well.

Thanks for reading

xxx

(If anyone actually reads this on a regular basis let me know in the comments which size font is better, this post is large, the previous is normal. Cheers x)